Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Warnings of an Abusive relationship, what you should know - should you take your leave?

It can be difficult for men to recognize when they’re in an abusive relationship. We tend to think of “abuse” as physical violence – slapping, kicking or striking one’s partner, throwing them into walls and the like. But not every abusive relationship is quite so obvious – especially when the victim is a man.

Emotional abuse is the most common form of abusive relationships – and it’s often hard to detect because it is so rarely overt. An abuser may:

Insult you or humiliate you, especially in front of your friends and colleagues
Belittle you, minimize your accomplishments and repeatedly tell you that you’re worthless or a failure

Tell you that their abusive behavior is your fault

Constantly accuse you of being unfaithful or require you to “prove” you’re not cheating on them
Keep constant tabs on you, demanding that you check in with them regularly. They may also monitor where you go and with whom
Isolate you from your friends and family
Accuse your friends and family of lying in order to “drive you apart”
Restrict your access to money or finances
Use or deny sex and intimacy as a form of control
Snoop through your emails, texts, instant messages, phone calls and social media profiles
Hide your keys or your phone to keep you from seeking out help
Use false accusations (or the threat of accusations) of abuse to keep you in line
On average, men are larger and stronger than women – as a result, female abusers are less likely to physically abuse a male partner. This doesn’t mean that she won’t. Because of the size and strength difference, women who are physically abusive are more likely to threaten with a weapon like a knife or a household object. Other times they may strike their victims while they sleep or are incapacitated or catch them by surprise. They may throw things, especially breakables like dishes and glassware.

But physical abuse doesn’t just include overt violence. Other forms of physical abuse can include:

Physically isolating or abandoning you
Restricting access to medication you need
Preventing you from sleeping
Intimidating you through threats to others including pets
Pinching, spitting on and slapping you
Driving in a threatening manner, including speeding or threatening to run off the road or into obstacles

It’s important to note that rape is also a frequent tool for abuse in relationships. Men – gay, bi and straight – can be raped by their partners. This doesn’t just mean being forcibly penetrated – being forced into sex against your will is still rape. Just because you have an erection doesn’t mean that you “really want it” and being coerced or abused doesn’t mean that you won’t get an erection. In fact, many abusers will use the presence of an erection as proof that this is what you “really want”, regardless of whether you consent or not, just as they might use a woman’s vaginal lubrication as “proof” that she wants it.